Posts Tagged ‘beer


How to survive the Wiesn (also known as… Oktoberfest)

You might want to jump to the tutorial itself.

And last weekend came the time of the year, when everybody remembers you exist, everybody remembers your name, everybody becomes your friend, every friend becomes your best friend.

Your phone starts ringing frenetically. You get e-mails. People flood you on Skype, MSN Messenger, Facebook, Orkut, MySpace.

Everybody invites theirselves to your place. And they really show up, no matter what.

If you live in Munich, or lived there for long enough, you know what time of the year this is. It’s time to see hordes of men and women behaving like… hm, sorry: misbehaving. Yup.

It’s time to see the masses zig-zag walking, like a big human wave, seen from above (I’ve tried this, it’s no funny joke). It’s time to maybe not have all that fun, if you don’t drink enough; watching your friends acting foolishly, though, really might pay off.

The Wiesn (Oktoberfest) starts every year in the end of September, and lasts three weeks.

A city that normally has ~1.3 million inhabitants is visited by a couple of millions more. Not really shocking to me, for a certain reason, but this would get too personal. Well the thing is, the old people and the old city really get rocked on. Music is everywhere, mainly during the evening (yes, workdays are on too). Great opportunity to listen to the sweet voice of drunkenness, echoing the most poetic compositions like “PAAAM PAARAM PAM PAM PAAAAM PAAAAAAAM” (Seven Nation Army, The White Stripes). Although this is a italian, modified version. Oooh yeah.

Alright, special tips:

1) You might want to make your bed reservation (or call your “”dearest friend””) with some anticipation. Remember that you’re not the only one into alcohol and stuff. In case you choose to call the friend, keep in mind that it might happen for you to share a 10m² room with 7 other people. Specially if your friend is just a poor student.

2) It’s important to EAT as well. Beer is cool, but it’s not food. No matter what beautiful, emotional bavarian story about real beer you’ve been told. HOT: if you like chicken, have a bite at the Munich Central Station: you’ll find out that, astonishingly, you can eat twice as much with the same money you’d spend at Beerland;

3) If you’re a girl, watch out. Men are already very suspicious in every way, in all they do, when it concerns women. Drunk guys only get worse. Even drunk girls get dangerous. Birds get dangerous. Don’t trust your own shadow, really. Be sure to go with people you know, and to kick persistent guys in a certain spot without thinking twice. Don’t feel guilty: alcohol is a terrific pain killer.

4) Sleeping is also good. Not on the street. Not on the sidewalk, not in the bus/tram (I know you’ll miss the last metro at 2AM, I know everything about your kind). Go ahead and snore at your friend’s place. Snore your heart out at the hostel/hotel/motel/pension. It’s good for the body to remember how it feels like, to have more blood than alcohol running in your veins. Assuming you’ll stop drinking while you’re asleep, though. Oh, in case there are 7 other people sleeping with you, don’t worry: it’s more comfy, after all September/October is not that warm anymore, so nothing like a bit of human warmth.

5) Munich is very, very very very, walkable. Of course you don’t need to be dumb enough to walk 7km at 3am in the morning, but hey, you should be able to get a place to crash in a 3km radius of the Theresienwiese (where your objective is). Come on, you can do 3km in less than half an hour, and Munich is totally plain. This way it’s possible to avoid the crowds in the metro, and do some exercise, think about life, you know, this old man kind of stuff.

Waitress6) If you go, and you’re not really a big fan of beer, you won’t like it. It’s expensive (~8 Euros) and you simply can’t have anything but 1 liter beers. Theoretically, it’s possible to order soft drinks and even water. I heard Stephen Hawking has a bet on this one, even bigger than his bet about the Higgs’ Boson. But one thing is certain: you’d make the waitress… unhappy. And no, you don’t want to disappoint her. She’s able to lift weights beyond your imagination. And your car with the other arm.

7) Get there EARLY. Mainly if you want to go on the first day. Get there right after sunrise, otherwise you won’t get in. Look at the bright side: you can stop at the supermarket the day before, and buy some beers to endure the boring waiting hours. This way you’ll be already warmed up for the party.

8) About languages: the italian weekend (the second weekend) is not a joke. It really gets full of italians. But the official language continues to be the burping and the impossible-to-understand (Google -> unintelligible) “:P blrrblablabl :P :P”, so if you followed step 7 and warmed up, don’t worry. For the talkers, English is usually fine. I’ve seen even germans talking in English between themselves: after some hours they simply lose the hability to recognize their own compatriots.

9) Keep close watch to your belongings. It’s not very unusual to get robbed in and/or outside the tents. There is always a bunch of sober and evil bastards walking around.

10) If you don’t get drunk enough, you’ll keep weird (yet, unique) memories about the world’s biggest outdoor party, and laugh at your friends, and carry them home, become (even more) sour, and eventually write a stupid tutorial called “How to survive the Wiesn”. Therefore…

11) Stop reading this and GO DRINK BEER! What else could you do, in a time like this?… Be happy, even if just for a short moment, even if it’s artificial happyness…



August 2019
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